RED FLAGS TO CONSIDER WHEN CHOOSING A MATE
Some characteristics of potential batterer:

  1. He was abusive or exhibited characteristics of being a batterer in a former relationship.
  2. He was physically or psychologically abused as a child.
  3. His mother was battered by his father.
  4. He loses his temper frequently and more easily than seems necessary.
  5. He is easily frustrated and has an explosive temper.
  6. He enters into secret states of depression (known only to family members).
  7. He is very “now” oriented (he wants thinks done now)!
  8. He has low self-esteem and may consider himself a failure in his career even if others view him as successful.
  9. He makes frequent “promises” to change or improve in the future.
  10. He will accept no blame for failures (marital, family related or job related) or for violence.
  11. He apparently feels no guilt even after realizing that what he has done is wrong.
  12. He plays with guns and uses them to protect himself against other people.
  13. He displays violence against other people, things, or pets.
  14. He becomes enraged when you do not listen to his advice.
  15. He displays an unusual amount of jealousy when you are not with him.
  16. He is jealous of significant other people in your life.
  17. He expects you to spend all of your free time with him or to keep him informed of your whereabouts.
  18. He accuses you of lying to him about where you have been, who you have been with and what you have been doing.
  19. He is demanding and oftentimes abusive during sexual activities; he at times punishes with refusal to make love and at times experiences an inability to perform sexually.
  20. He exerts control over you by threatening murder and/or suicide.
  21. He uses drugs or alcohol excessively.
  22. There is sense of overkill in his cruelty or in his kindness.
  23. He believes that his forcible behavior is “for the good of the family.”
  24. He has rigid ideas of what people should do that are determined by male or female sex-role stereotypes.
  25. There may be an increase in his abusive behavior when you are pregnant (pregnancy often marks the first assault).
  26. He is abusive to children.
  27. He often complains about being sick.
  28. He appears to have a dual personality.

Note:  If you get a sense of fear when he gets angry with you, or if not making him angry is an important part of your behavior, then he may very well be a batterer.

 

Print this page | Return to HomePage >